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Ah! >_

 Damn, I feel like one of those cheap story love interests that just keep coming back whenever they need cash.


Did that make sense?

Anyway, I feel bad.  Like, I feel like I've abandoned all my internet friends, which makes me personally quite sad, because I miss you guys!  I know I haven't responded to any comments- oh dear, there are actually 17 comments I haven't responded to.  I've just been so BUSY you would not believe.  Evidently, summer CAN be more hectic than the school year.  But then again, I actually shoveled a whole lot of workload into my summer because I thought I'd be bored or something.  I can't really remember what actually having nothing to do feels like though, so we can all see how that worked out.

Anyway, just because I feel like I need to give you guys an excuse... DX

This summer I have a job at a library, I'm sending things to magazine publishers (currently have two 'no's and one 'maybe-possibly' meaning that they're actually considering it! :-D) I'm volunteering at an AIDS clinic, I'm trying to write this book I've been trying to write for  forever, I'm reading the books on my summer reading list and analyzing them so in AP I won't fail utterly, and I've joined a gay rights group.  And said gay rights group has lead me to this:


I swear to god.  It's a Star Trek gay rights group.  Like, it's literally a Star Trek gay rights group.  Which is so incredibly awesome and oddly stupendous I don't quite know what else to say, except that it was probably inspired by this:



Yeah, so anyway, I ended up being lead to this when the real life gay rights group and I were discussing gay iconic heros.  Then it led to kirk and spock being bisexual iconic heros.  Then it led to me seeing the new Star Trek movie and saying 'no they ain't.'  which lead to me remembering the Star Trek episodes I admit I used to obsess over as a kid, which led me to remember quite a few raised eyebrows when they started acting particularly... KuroFai-ish.  With less angst, of course.  Kurogane and Fai virtually own all the angst that does not belong to the temple of Syaoran and Sakura.  Especially in most recent chapters.  (Yes, oddly enough, I have found time to read the Tsubasa chapters.  And if that time is in the half hour before I go to sleep on some days, well, come one, it's Tsubasa.  I can survive being tired during work.  And just a wee bit of procrastination on my book)  

BUT ANYWAY... GETTING OFF TOPIC HERE... (and believe it or not, I have to go soon.  I have to say, I never feel swamped until I start talking about how I'm swamped.)  

So, Star Trek basically broke allot of barriers when it was on- like, allot of race barriers.  It may be the freaking weirdest show in existence, but it did allot.  First interracial kiss on television, first black woman in any kind of position of slight power on television, and the fact that despite the fact that it was the sixties, Roddenberry (guy who wrote Star Trek) basically said that Kirk and Spock had love that was suffifiant to make them want to get it on.  Like, he said that.  I learned this from the site.  So that site bascally is trying to get gay couples into mainstream stuff without it being the prime focus, in the same way Star Trek basically got interracial couples into mainstream stuff without race being the prime focus.  Yadda yadda, there's more on the site.  The people on the Star Trek gay rights group asked me and the other people they know write and a few they know do advertising things to go out there and try to get people who are not homophobic like you to sign this petition they have.  So I gave you the site.  ^_^'  There are more essays and everything on there, but basically the way to 'spread the word' at this point as they're saying is to have one person tell ten of their friends and those friends tell ten of their friends and so on and so on.  

This isn't even about liking Star Trek.  The general goal is to have the new movies break another barrier, this one being the gender barrier.  Like, in an argument I had with one member of the Star Trek (I call them real life gay rights group and gloriously nerdy gay rights group inside my head) gay rights group involved him saying that in the new movies, the representation of 'that side' of their relationship would never be shown obviously because they are two iconic fictional characters for America.  And, well, that's the goal.  Personally, as a fan, I kind of like them as friends.  Even if my eyebrow did spend allot of time rising as Spock told Kirk 'I'll always be yours' and Kirk freaking said Spock's soul was close enough to be his own and all sorts of things like that.  I can honestly say I just love their epic friendship, regardless of Roddenberry's intentions.  But this is kind of about doing exactly what guy-who-argued-with-me said they'd never do- get iconic characters behind gay rights.

And by the way, guys, I know I haven't been reading all of your awesome fanfictions or working on my own fanfictions or anything, and I'm really in truly sorry.  Like, reading awesome online stuffs is probably the part of having free time that I miss most.  I'm going to find time to eventually though, I swear.  And I'll try as hard as I can to find time to actually update my own work as well.


 AHH!  I've been neglecting livejournal, I know, but I had real life things going on and I either had to sacrifice the fanfiction dot net part of my internet life or the livejournal part, and fanfiction dot net actually, you know, helps me to become a better writer.  Which is what the real life responsibilities were, but more on that later-

I promise people I'll get back to them on two week neglected comments and everything, but for now, here's a gift-


Yup.  I made that.  At, like, 11 last night while waiting for my birth minute.  (11:30, and I totally missed it because I was making this.)

Brief Almost Non-Discussion

 Fai- as in Yuui, I mean.

Who is he?

Kurogane I've always found... I don't want to say easy to relate to, but I honestly think he'd take it as a compliment.  You know, what you see is what you get and all that.

Yuui though- what is it that Kurogane loves about him?  Hates about him?  What makes Yuui unable to live without people and what would make it possible for him to be alone, if anything?

We just finished Mice and Men in school, so I am in a serious mood for some character analysis.  So yeah.  Random tangent on the most misunderstood character in Tsubasa seemed like a good idea.

Writer's Block: You Don't Know Me

Our friends don't always know us as well as they think, particularly when it comes to likes and dislikes. Which popular book, movie, band, food, TV show, etc. would your friends be surprised to hear that you don't like?
Most people are surprised that I almost obsessively watch and love the show Gilmore Girls.  And no one ever knows the names of the bands I like.  Huh.  Or my favorite book- Looking For Alaska.  Or possibly Paper Towns.  Oh!  No, my favorite is The Perks of Being a Wallflower.  Eh... you know what, don't ask me to choose...

Movie: either Pan's Labyrinth or Little Miss Sunshine.  Oh, or maybe The Fall.  And yes people, I watched that movie purely because it had the same name as my planned fanficion.  Thank god I did though- that is one amazing movie.

food: Tres Leches cake or my chicken salad, which is THE BEST chicken salad ever made.  Like, honestly, you have no idea what chicken salad even IS until you try mine.

The Faceless Voice

 Well.  Click on the little link to receive a random rant about... well, kind of about all of you (not insulting, don't worry) and me as well and virtually the entirety of the people on livejournal.

<lj-cut text="Is there a little link to click on this time?  Did I do it?">


The one common desperation we all share is the constant need for human contact.

It's been called 'skin hunger' when this applies to actual human touch.  Evidently it's as strong in young teenage girls as the need to beat the living crap out of things is in teenage boys.  It's not quite sexual- the need to hug, to hold, to kiss, but not have anything else from it: skin hunger.  Simple proof that we are not alone.

The emotional equivelant of this is to know each other through the internet.

Though we've never met and probably never will, despite the fact that we have no idea what another person looks like and even though there's a chance it's all a trick, we very much enjoy spilling our souls onto online journals.  Into stories- whether fanfiction or original work- where people we don't know who share a common interrest will read and tell us their all too important opinion.  

People have said things on the internet everyone knows no one would speak a word of in real life.  And that's the thing- who is this person that you talk to?  Though they respond with glee to everything you might say, perhaps in real life they are shy.  Are they on a fancy laptop at home, or are they in the library?  In an internet cafe?  In their basement hiding from an abusive uncle?  Would they tell you and only you if they were abused?

And what would you do about it?

It's a kind of theropy almost.  The most vile things in the world aren't always spoken of, and secrets are usually kept.  Online journals are the safest way to spill your guts.  One thousand people could read about a rape and unless they know something about the person besides their email or their pen name they can do NOTHING.  Suicidal people can tell their entire self loathing life hating stories only to you, and you'll only know that something went wrong when for months their livejournal stands absolutely still.  Maybe you won't even notice.

I've read stories written by people who last updated April 24th, 2006.  Steadily each story, each post became more lost.  Though we who were reading her journal knew nothing of what she was speaking of, the last post ranted desperately about someone who was coming back, she couldn't believe he was trying to find her, she'd started a new life, she was getting better, this was it, it was all falling apart.

On April 24th, 2006.  

She had posted basically every day.  Days and then months and then years went by with nothing, and what am I supposed to do?

That's just it- nothing.  We don't know what happened.  We know more then perhaps every one of her friends did, but we don't know.  We weren't there.  And that's the danger of all of this- we can know each other more completely then perhaps some of us let our 'RL' friends know us and still know nothing.  

If the worst did happen, perhaps I even read about her death.  Perhaps she was one of the murders that day that happened in Philly and I skimmed over her article in the paper.  Perhaps she was a suicide that never went to print.  Perhaps she was even a suicide bomber in a mall.  I don't know.

Or perhaps whoever it was who came back got utterly told off by her for whatever evil he'd done and she, realizing how strong she was, decided she didn't need the theropy of spilling her secrets every day to livejournal.  And she decided she didn't even need to say goodbye, because these people didn't really know her anyway.

And that's just it- we don't know each other.  None of us.  We simotaniously know everything and nothing about each other, and for all of you who know me you know I've basically logiced this to death and that I'll come to some weird conclusion, garunteed.  What we share is an interrest- in writing, in anime, in CLAMP...  do you know what that means?

Anyone ever been to comic con?  Perhaps you saw me.  I mean, seriously, maybe I was the Naruto that you got a picture with or the creepy old guy who dresses up as Fay every year.  Man-Fay.  Though I think he has his own livejournal, so never mind.  But honestly- I saw awesome cosplayers- to those Americans, that might have been you.  Maybe I have seen you guys and I have no idea.  

Which is why, after all this strange reasoning, I have decided to put my picture up after I go to Otakon.  Yep.  Me dressed up as Fai.  So it'll only kind of be a lie- it will be me, I'll just also be someone else.  I mean, I'm not going to commit suicide, no matter what people say about others being sick I think it's pathetic whether it's a cry for attention or someone actually wants to die.  I actually know that my 'RL' friends know me better then any of you do, no offense, so I'm not desperately antisocial.  I just decided that I didn't want to be some faceless voice.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FRP0IvPis8   ~ this post was this song's fault.



Writer's Block: Wild Life

How long could you survive on your own in the wild?
I like to think that after all those survival shows and reading all those books about people stranded in the wild and reading all those books about the simpler times of living that I would survive forever.

In all likelihood, I'd last about 10 days.  As long as I found water.  If I didn't, four days or less.  If I found water, until I starved.  Which I think happens after 10 days without food, but I'm not sure.

But then again, if I was surviving in the lush tropical paradise wild, I'd survive until I went crazy from loneliness and lack of internet and killed myself.  By accident mind, because I believe suicide is pathetic and a cry for negative attention.  And not because I know nothing about it.  When I knew nothing about it, I thought it was something people who were sick do.  Now I think it's either pathetic or a cry for negative attention.  Not to be dramatic.  ^_^'

I've kind of strayed from the original topic, haven't I?

First chapter!!! Finally!!!!

 Well.  i did it.  I just submitted the first chapter of that fic i said I'd write like a year ago (you subconsciously/consciously: What?  You mean it exists?  Me: Yes!!!  In your FACE!!!)  to a beta reader.  It will be up.... as soon as she gets back to me on that.  Just thought I'd brag.  Which is what livejournal is usually used for, along with teenage angsting.  

Procrastinating Again!

 Oh, and speaking again of pwning people (damn it all, I need to stop using that word)-  If you do a google search for "Me or the Wallpaper," the first few that show up are not in fact the famous Oscar Wilde quote.  They are about me.

I don't consider that a good thing though.  So yeah.  Just a little freaked out here.

And I actually went on here to try to finish up at least the first few chapters of that fanfiction I've been saying I'll write for a year.  So yeah.  Gotta stop procrastinating and get to it.  Bye.

Wait!  Before I go- how exactly do all of you imagine Real Fai (as in the one who fell off the tower)'s personality to be?  I have this idea... but I'm not sure people will like it all that much to be honest...  I always imagined him as sort of loving and everything (clearly) but also controlling.  Like, circumstances must=good for people he loves.  Unlike Kurogane, who feels that people he loves must push through the bad circumstances to find happiness.  *sigh* God, I just love character analysis.  

I HAVE PWNED YOU ALL... possibly....

Guess what has eight hundred seventy six thousand seven hundred fourty nine popular deviants submitted in all of time?

Me or the Wallpaper does!

The words.  Not me personally.

But still.

In this moment, I have pwned you all.

And this is what happens when I have brownies and a ton of coffee.  "Normal" brownies, by the way.  I went in to school and said "I'm going to have brownies when I get home today," but evidently I stressed the word 'brownies' too much, so my friend M opens her eye (morning) and goes "Normal brownies?  Or the other kind?"  just conversationally.

And I just stared and was like "The kind without weed in them, M."  and she goes.  "Oh.  Right."  *sleeps*

So yes.  This is what happens when I have sugar and coffee, allot of both.  I dance around outside for a while on my skateboard (at night, I might add) and then suddenly think "I wonder how many deviants would be there if I just did a search for "Me or the Wallpaper"?  and then I run back inside to check and post posts about pwning you all, and if Matt were here he'd chase me for using the word/nonword pwned too often.

Yep.  That is all.

Oh, wait!  I almost forgot- me and inafrozenworld are going to Suwa, Japan to try to find Kurogane whilst wearing cosplaying outfits.  After that we're thinking of heading down to Clow,.... I forget what state it's in, but it's in America, and then maybe visiting Celes or something, if we can find one.  Anyone want to come along?


 Well, I know it's stupid and kind of selfish and may I say stupid again- but I'm bored.

And when I get bored, it's not 'oh, well, I'll find something to do.'  It's the spoiled kind of bored (despite the fact that I know I'm not spoiled...).  I pick things up, stare at them, and find them uninterresting.  I stop watching movies halfway through.  I finish writing half of something and then sigh loudly and stop, I look something up on google and stare at the results and don't care, and you know, what, i don't even want to finish this livejournal post except for with this plee:

Can someone please give a good fanfic recomendation?  Like, a good oneshot.  or better yet, a good author of oneshots.  I'm too tired and bored to deal with really spectacular long overall ones, so just short but non pornographic KuroFai is good.  And by nonpornographic, I mean not porn.  I don't really give a damn if you've got some desperatley long one shot with tons of character development and everything where there happens to be like, I don't know, really exciting kissing or something.  

ok, let me explain this:

Porn=OOCness, stupid, and very odd ways to get off (thinking about characters doing it)

stories that happen to include sex:  Fish and Chips (hyuu!  It was garunteed then that I would not be bored at least every other day after dinner), huge character development, PLOT, PLOT, PLOT, PLOT...

i don't think half this post makes sense.  I think some of it contradicts itself.  But yeah.  You get the idea.  Blah.


Oscar Wilde, Me or the Wallpaper, Wallpaper

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